Bearing Witness

Thirty-five years ago today, my mom passed away—most of my life lived without her. Sitting on my Tommy Bahama beach chair on my favorite beach close to home, I’m thinking about her, what her life would have been, my life and everyone’s life that she touched, had she lived to old age.

The one thing I've learned and experienced living on this island in the middle of the Pacific is how small each of us in the universe. The majesty of the grass-covered West Maui mountains, the expanse of the ocean, the density and abundance of vegetation all remind us of our insignificance.

So why would my mother, a petite woman who lived a relatively ordinary life, make any difference at all? Why, when I have access to so many people with whom to forge and nurture meaningful, deep relationships, do I feel such a sense of loss and longing for her. Strange that after all these years I still feel this way.

I stare out to the ocean and watch the waves roll in gently in sets of three with the sun creating a large glistening pool of light on the water off in the distance. I’m struck by an arrangement of tiny shells at the edge of the sand where the water breaks, so I walk down to see them. A family of crabs are intermingled with the shells. The water washes over the sand. A flock of feral chickens led by a rooster run past, almost colliding with the crabs. I'm mesmerized.

A blond curly-haired girl who looks about five years old is building a sandcastle village with her father next to the shells and crabs. A golden retriever runs by in pursuit of a tennis ball that his owner has just thrown towards him. Before I can even track the dog’s path along the beach, a man holding a large shell and two leis marks a spot only inches away from the shells, the crabs, the little girl playing in the sand, the running dog.

A woman joins the man with the shell and begins taking flowers out of a bag, placing them in a circle on the beach. A photographer and a flutist follow, and finally a young man in a ligh-colored suit walks towards the floral circle on the beach. A few more people dressed in aloha style, smiling and chatting, join the young man in the suit. I watch intently and moments later a pretty young woman in a strapless white-lace gown, hair curled and tightly pinned on top of her head, sweeps the sand with her long train. A beautiful, simple beach wedding is now taking place, the backdrop the all-encompassing beauty of Maui.

In that moment I see how one ordinary person could change the lives of so many by her absence. All things are connected and happening simultaneously to create meaning and balance. Today, two people pledge their love and commitment for each other while the living things around them bear witness: the shells, the crabs, the running dog, the chickens, the little girl, the wedding guests and the participants in the ceremony. Everything and every single life is important, relevant and integral to someone else's. That's what I am missing—my mom bearing witness to my life.